So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
