brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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