Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize