If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
