if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
