my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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