Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
