I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
where am i from again
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
