I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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