my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
