maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
