Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
