We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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