i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
