Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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