I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
