omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
