Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
