She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
