Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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