It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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