I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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