i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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