i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
