I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
