i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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