The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
