Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
