i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
