im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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