I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
