i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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