maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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