I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize