Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
