Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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