Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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