he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
