Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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