dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
