Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
