I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
