The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
