She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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