i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
