Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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