So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
