Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So vagazzling was a success
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
