But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
