when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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