I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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