I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
