you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
