If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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