i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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