SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
