You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
