32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize