i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize