do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
